The journey to wholeness involves a willingness to presence with and make space in our hearts for all that we are, all that we’ve been, and all that we are becoming. The light, the shadow, all of it. To realize this state of peaceful and harmonious oneness, we must discover, welcome back, and integrate all the pieces of our fragmented psyches. The gifts of doing this inner work are not limited to peace and resonance within…As within, so without.

So much has changed and much remains the same. I am (still) a woman seeking and, though I no longer feel like a baby queer, it seems I’ve now reached the teenage phase of the coming out/becoming journey and I feel like I’m back in high school. With all the fear, insecurity, and awkwardness that implies.

This started out as a newsletter, an update to people in my network of beloveds after a period of quiet darkness. A blue period I only alluded to obliquely and wrapped in my signature rose colored, “don’t worry, I got this”, optimism (as evidence, see photo above). An experience that might have stayed largely hidden were it not for the response I received…

Our twin flame burned bright. We’re talking supernova bright. We lit up the world around us — and everyone who came into our orbit — as we joy bombed our way through a life we lived on 11. We were going to infinity and beyond, baby! Ours was a love that was meant to be forever…So what the hell happened?

How is your heart on this day that we celebrate love? Are You Feeling Love or Lack? For many, Valentine’s Day can challenge our mental wellness, bringing loneliness and depression rather than chocolate, roses, and candlelit dinners for two. February 14th can feel like a day we celebrate one kind of love — a love we humans elevate and prize above all the rest — romantic love. The love of one. The one. Our one true love.

What’s your relationship to the voices in your head? Is your inner voice one of encouragement like a best friend or trusted advisor? Or is it a bully who torments and belittles you, making you feel less than? Or maybe it’s squirrel or monkey-like in nature, a source of constant distraction. Or maybe it’s a three-ring-circus with a cast of characters taking turns in the spotlight of your mind.

This is the time of year when we think about new beginnings. When we challenge ourselves, setting ambitious stretch goals for how we want to change and what we want to accomplish by the time we complete our next trip around the sun…I make it a practice to consider how I want to FEEL in the year ahead rather than what I want to DO.

I am not languishing but I am feeling the need for languor in every cell of my being. Especially after the intensity of the storms in the year 2021, storms whose halo effect is still with me. I continue to sense into and presence with these intense energetic imprints as I seek to return to the quiet, grounding calm that lies in the I.

I’m not sure what kind of year you’ve had but for me, 2021 has felt like a class 5 hurricane. A series of them actually. I started the year feeling grounded and strong…Then the storms came. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I called them in and embraced them head on. I often describe myself as the calm in the storm, but the truth is that as I reflect on my life’s journey, I’ve always been a storm chaser.

Like works of art, we are each both light and dark. If you take the dark colors out of a Rembrandt or a Vermeer, the light ones wouldn’t pop and you wouldn’t have art. Like the darker colors in our favorite works of art, our dark shadows and darker emotions enrich our appreciation of those on the lighter end of the spectrum. All are part of us always.

I spent most of my childhood awash with waves of emotions, feeling alone and at sea. It's taken me into my 50s to learn how to be with and process my emotions and fully feel and own my feelings. I had no idea how to make meaning of my emotional experience much less give voice to it and I only recently discovered that my emotions have wisdom for me if I’m willing to listen.