To Transform or Be Transformed
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” — J.R.R. Tolkien, “The Fellowship of The Ring”
Transformation is happening. On a scale more massive than anything we’ve experienced in our lifetimes. Happening whether we like it or not.
It feels like everything has changed — because it has! And the new normal is anything but. It’s likely that this will continue to be the case long after the imminent threat of the pandemic has passed.
We will be forever changed individually and collectively by this experience. Previous societal upheavals — 911, the 2008 financial crisis, the technology revolution, xenophobia and the rise of authoritarianism — will pale by comparison.
To transform or be transformed. That is the question.
Transformation — as we are all now learning…all too well…all at once — is painful. It is uncertain, uncomfortable, and deeply unnerving.
Transformation as I have written before is not a linear or predictable process. Transformation is always happening but like the frog in the pot of boiling water, it’s normally a slow, gradual process. A process we’re not always aware of until we have passed through it and are blessed with the gift of hindsight.
It’s something we usually experience on an individual level or at least it feels that way. Individuals undergoing personal transformation — myself included — are often so inwardly focused, so self-absorbed, that we are oblivious to the transformation of our fellow humans. Transformation that is going on around us always.
This time it’s different.
This time it’s happening globally.
This time it’s happening at a species level.
I’ve been chronicling my own experience of personal transformation over the past two years since I launched this project called Contagious Vulnerability. A project designed to speak truth to the authentic experience of transformation. A project designed to support and inspire others on their own personal hero and heroine’s journeys of self-evolution.
In some ways it’s felt like I’ve been living my own personal upheaval of pandemic-proportions for the past several months as my journey of transformation has shaken me to the core and taken me to some pretty dark places.
It’s been deeply unsettling and has left me feeling lost and overwhelmed.
It’s made me question everything — including my calling as a voice of transformation.
It’s exposed deep seated fears and core wounds.
It’s been testing my commitment to choosing joy.
Turns out, it’s also been great preparation for the chaos and uncertainty we’re all experiencing right now. It’s made me realize that the only choice we have is how we respond to what life brings.
In the face of this disruptive global transformation, we have but one choice — transform or be transformed. We can’t opt out of the collective transformation that’s happening all around us. But we can choose our reactions to it.
We will be transformed by the experience one way or the other. We can choose to accept that transformation is inevitable and find ways to work with the collective tsunami of change or we can drown in denial.
Clinging to the past.
Bemoaning what has been lost.
Struggling against powerful currents.
Draining ourselves of our very life force.
Losing our agency.
We can choose to view this from a place of strength — as an opportunity for growth — or feel helplessly victimized by it. We cannot control what’s happening but we can control how we respond.
How we see and seize opportunities for personal growth in the midst of chaos and uncertainty.
How we find ways of being of service to others to lift our spirits, contribute to the greater good, and start to heal the diseases of disconnection so rampant in our world.
How we shape the personal narratives that give voice to our experience — story that can either build strength and hope or feed our collective anxiety and despair.
How when others go low, we keep choosing the higher path.
Now is the time to take an inventory of ourselves. To curiously explore our inner landscapes and mine for our essential ingredients — the core strengths, skills and values — the attributes that define us.
Attributes which make us who we are and which may need to be repurposed, redeployed, refocused in the face of profound societal change.
Attributes we want to carry forward into the new versions of ourselves that are emerging and taking form as we speak.
Attributes without which we would feel less than our authentic selves.
I wish I could tell you that there was an easy way and a hard way. The reality is that both paths are hard and neither comes without pain and some degree of suffering.
I will say that the path of strength, though just as challenging, is a path of greater joy and in my experience, less suffering. Agency is empowering and purposeful.
It gives us a sense of control.
It is infused with optimism and gives us hope.
It focuses us on what we can do rather than amplifying all that we cannot.
I hope you’ll join me in choosing the path of strength. The path of possibility. The path of facing this turmoil head on, with courage, resilience and resolve.
This is our time. A time of great opportunity as well as great pain. And as Gandalf says: “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
We must be strong individually and even stronger together to get through this and reap the collective benefits hidden inside the turmoil. As I’ve said before, it’s not about ME. It’s about WE.
If you need support, I’m always here for you.
For listening.
For curious exploration.
For exchanges of contagious vulnerability.
Stay strong!
#StayAtHome 🦠🙏🏻💪🏻❤️😷❤️💪🏻🙏🏻🦠
If it would be helpful to have a guide as you respond to meet this pivotal moment in our collective evolution, please book a curious conversation to explore how the Vulnerability Doula can be of service to you.