The Joy Thief
“When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent…You sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don’t get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans, you lose all that. And you are constantly saying “You’re too this, or I’m too this.”…And so I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.” — Ram Dass
Someone’s been stealing my joy this week.
Turns out, it’s an inside job.
That someone is me.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” is one of my mantras. Words I try to live by.
It’s a statement so deeply resonant for me I thought I’d come up with it before Googling my way to discover that it’s actually a quote attributed to Teddy Roosevelt.
(Turns out I have more in common with our mustachioed 25th president than a reverence for nature and being born in New York.)
I’m usually the one gently reminding others of the joy-stealing effects of comparisons.
Reminding them— and simultaneously myself— to focus on and celebrate who, where and what we are rather than all that we’re not.
But I find myself at a point in my journey where I’m noticing that comparisons are stealing my joy.
The other day I was checking out the website of an amazing soulful business coach I know and love and instead of being inspired by her personal statement and authentic offering, found myself feeling a whole lotta less than.
Later my dear friend and land-mate came in sharing a host of new business opportunities that had recently come into her flow and instead of feeling excited for her, found myself once again feeling less than.
In this very moment, as I type this piece, I’m feeling like the words aren’t flowing with as much ease or fluidity as in my previous stories. Leaving me feeling less than.
Less than a previously more eloquent version of myself. WTF?!!
In the early stages of major life pivots, it’s common for joy-stealing comparing to start creeping in.
Wired for self-preservation, our brains helpfully point out all the reasons why the bold new path we’ve chosen — a path into the unknown — is unattainable and our souls unfit for the journey in an effort to steer us back to the safety of the known.
Oftentimes this “helpful” and protective cerebral activity takes the form of comparisons to the very beings who have inspired us to embark on our own courageous hero or heroine’s journeys in the first place.
Beings that are farther along on their paths.
Comparisons that highlight all the ways we’re less than these sources of inspiration.
Comparisons that steal our joy and our courage, sabotaging our soul’s missions when we’ve only just begun.
Underneath all these comparisons lies judgement.
Of self.
Of other.
Sometimes, as I’ve been doing lately, we elevate others above ourselves in these comparisons, leaving us feeling less than.
At other times we judge and criticize others to make ourselves feel better by comparison. A habit which is at its core, self-loathing turned outwards.
In an effort to quiet our inner critic, we redirect our self-judgement onto others, shining light on the perceived faults of others to diminish our own by comparison. So that we feel more than for a change.
All this comparative judging separates us from one another. Contributing to the diseases of disconnection running rampant in our world today, diminishing our collective joy.
Self-versus-other implies a competition in which one is better and the other less than. Where there’s a winner and a loser. Where life is a zero-sum game.
Where joy is finite.
Rather than recognizing and celebrating our and each other’s inherent uniqueness, comparisons treat us and our individual soul’s journeys as if we and they are all the same.
I’m with the Buddhists in believing that we are all one, each of us a drop of water in an endless universal ocean.
But this universal oneness does not mean that we are all the same.
Each and every one of us is an individual expression of the divine. Blessed with a combination of gifts and superpowers uniquely our own, each of us has a distinct purpose and soul’s journey in this lifetime — and a necessary and important role to play in the larger evolution of consciousness.
Our mission should we choose to accept it is to embrace and hold the koan that is this seemingly incongruous duality — of being we and me, of being simultaneously the same and different.
To see and celebrate the exquisite uniqueness of ourselves and each other.
To find kinship, camaraderie and reciprocal inspiration in one another’s courageous hero and heroine’s journeys as we figure out how to put our unique gifts into service of the greater good as only each one of us can.
So, what do I do when comparisons are stealing my joy?
I shift my perspective.
I focus my attention on all the progress I’ve made.
On all the ways in which I am more than.
More than I was.
More than I thought I’d be at this stage of my journey.
More than I’d ever dreamed possible.
More than enough.
I look around me at all the amazing souls that I am blessed to journey with in this precious lifetime and I feel awe.
I think of all the ways that their courageous journeys inspire me.
I think “if they can do it, so can I!”
My energy shifts.
My joy returns.
Are comparisons stealing your joy?
Need help shifting that energy?
Want a new perspective?
I’m here to support you in any way that I can.
Remember, joy is not finite.
Joy is infinite.
If someone is stealing your joy or you’re wanting help in finding the joy within, please book a curious conversation to explore how the Vulnerability Doula can be of service to you.